Kritajna Hum: I am gratitude

My true self is always grateful. I am connected with everything else in the universe. I am like an ocean -- the deeper I go within, the more I connect with the stillness of my true self.

I have been revisiting mantras, like the one above, that speak of the importance of gratitude on my journey to reclaim my health. My focus on gratitude has been helping to shift my attitude about myself. As I discussed in last week’s blog, I had lost my sense of gratitude due to stress, which took a huge toll on both my emotional and physical health. I talked about my use of a gratitude journal to find my way back to grace, positivity and motivation. This week, I’d like to talk about the essence of the true self, the person we are at our core.

When we are born, we enter the world alone. When we die, we transition alone. In both cases, we are hopefully surrounded by loved ones, but we spend our entire lives with ourselves, 24 hours a day. Nobody knows our true self as well as we do, the good and the bad. Think about it for a moment. Who do you speak to every moment you are awake, all day, every day?, yourself! I wonder though, how often do we show others our true self?

Many strong, high level executive women struggle in their professional lives with something known as the Imposter Syndrome, which refers to their inner fears. The fear of not being good enough, that they will be discovered as not worthy of the position they were given. In my professional career, my colleagues and I used to talk about having to wear masks all the time at work. We needed to portray ourselves as strong confident leaders, at all times, to create safe environments in which students and staff could thrive. When I think back now to our mask conversations, I wonder how many of us had these same types of fears, questioning our worthiness.

When you dive deeply into your true self, what is at the core of your inner thoughts? Do you think you’re not pretty enough, thin enough, popular enough, etc.? Or, do you think you’re strong, beautiful, smart and worthy? If you were asked to remove your mask and introduce your inner self to me right now, what would you say? Would you list your titles of mother, wife, friend, lawyer, doctor? Or, would you list your hopes and wishes for your lifetime?

As part of your health journey, I strongly believe you need to address that inner critic and make peace with your true self. We all need to remove our masks and accept ourselves as we are, not strive to be who others say we should be. For far too long, I have been trying to change my outer self, without addressing my inner self. I think this is why I have failed, time and again with this health journey. Our true self, is the one we must come to accept and love. I have been approaching this journey from a place of weakness, thinking I am not good enough as I am, leading me to a self fulfilling prophecy of failure. Reframing my health journey from a place of acceptance of who I am at my core nudges me back to gratitude. I am grateful for who I am and don’t need to change that, rather I need to use that to help me stand strong on this journey to health. I am enough, you are enough, we are enough just as we are.

In order to stay grounded in gratitude and positive self talk, I use my daily walking time to honor any feelings, either positive or negative, that I may have. Many people use meditation to reflect, but I prefer moving meditations out in nature. I walk without headphones and music and I walk alone. If my husband joins me, he knows we are not having a dialogue walk, just a quiet meditation. It is the best part of my day to just be alone with myself in nature. I walk in the silence and am able to think and meditate on my successes and failures. This sacred time allows me to better process this journey I am on. Pairing this walking time with journaling has been powerful. The journal keeps me grounded in gratitude, which helps frame a more positive inner dialogue. The walking is a clearing time. It is when I can feel whatever emotions I’m feeling, which in the past led to negative talk and quitting, acknowledge them and then let them go. This process provides space for healing and also keeps me grounded in gratitude and positive self talk.

I hope you take some time to reflect on your journey this week in your journal and out on a walk. Please reach out and and share how it is going for you? I learn so much from your journeys as well.