Stress

This picture of me was taken just before I decided to retire from my much loved position as Principal of an Elementary School in New York City. It fully illustrates the impact of living under constant, high level stress on my body. Though I loved my position; my community and children, it did not love my body, especially during and after the COVID pandemic. My life was turned upside down during that time, with the loss of my mother, as well as the huge toll of working 24 hours a day to keep my school afloat despite loss of staff, family members, inconsistent messaging, funding and lack of clear guidance from the NYC DOE.

The impact on my physical body is clear to see, as I present as obese, haggard looking and quite honestly old beyond my years. The emotional toll is not as easily visible to the eye, but believe me it was there. By this point in time, it was getting harder and harder for me to find the will to engage in any social functions. Invitations to meet for dinner with friends caused anxiety and led to endless cancellations on my part. I was not able to sleep well and found myself lying awake each night filled with anxiety over all the things I needed to get done. It wasn’t uncommon to get a text, or social media post, from me at 1 AM during those times as I was wide awake.

This photo of me was taken this weekend, 8 months post retirement. These past 8 months have allowed me space and time to heal, both emotionally and physically. I wish I could say the healing was easy, but it wasn’t. During this time, I supported my husband’s healing from medical issues and cared my for aging dad in our home. But, despite those stresses, I still carved out space to focus on my own healing journey.

The impact of stress on our health cannot be underestimated. I hope my photographs serve as a reminder to us all that long term stress can destroy your health. Examining causes of stress and making changes to reduce it must be our driving force in our health journeys. For too long I acknowledged that I was under unrelenting stress, but yet did nothing about it. Rather, I used it as my excuse for being so unhealthy, as if it was expected. Finding the strength to make changes was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, yet I am so grateful I made the move as I am worth it. Living to see my grandson grow and thrive was worth it.

A dear friend said to me when I was struggling, “Laura, if you die tomorrow, there will be an ass in your chair before you’re even buried. We are all replaceable. Your family, however, will be forever changed. Your work family will move on and adjust pretty quickly to your absence. Your family will not.” That conversation really stuck with me and was what gave me the courage to step away.

Focusing first on my nutrition, helped by having to cook healthy for my two men, was pivotal. I worked with a nutritionist for the first few months to really look at what I was eating and gained knowledge of the impact of my choices on my healing. Slowing adding and increasing movement each day and tracking the impact on my body was next. Finally, returning to a yoga studio to connect with other yogis and more importantly, to myself.

I wish I could say I’m completely cured, but that would diminish the actual process of this journey. It’s a process, not a cure. I am most definitely feeling healthy again. I have a vibrant social life and have met and connected to so many great people in our new community. I have found a sport I love to play and engage in – pickleball. I have lost weight and gained better emotional health. My sleep is improving, but still not where it needs to be. I am sleeping well and getting quality REM, but still need to examine my Restoration sleep, which is still impacted by my restlessness during the night. Improved for sure, but not where I want it to be.

My next steps on my journey begin next week. I have been accepted to and registered for a Master Health Coach certification course with Dr. Spears. My specific focus will be on Adults and Aging. I cannot wait to learn more about the role nutrition plays on the body as we age as I continue on my road to Reclaiming My Health. This blog may undergo some updates during the year long coursework, as I look forward to sharing my learning with you all.

Please share your experiences with stress and nutrition. I’d love to hear what you have done to reclaim your health.