The Vital Role of Social Connections in Health and Wellness

“Think back to the most important experiences of your life, the highest highs, the greatest victories, the most daunting obstacles overcome. How many happened to you alone? I bet there are very few. When you understand that being connected to others is one of life’s greatest joys, you realize that life’s best comes when you initiate and invest in solid relationships.” -John C. Maxwell

One of the lasting lessons from the COVID pandemic should be that social isolation is to be avoided at all costs. Being on lockdown and not able to be together with our loved ones and friends was one of the hardest times in my life. Losing my mother, was the hardest part of this time, as we couldn’t be with her when she passed. I will never forget how those times felt. I felt isolated and lonely and knew it was taking a huge toll on my mental health.

I describe that time as being in a black hole. I was going through each day under a huge amount of stress, amid the personal struggle of losing my mother. Working what felt like 24 hours a day, I tried to keep my staff, students and families connected, as I knew that was what we all needed – social connection. With a total lack of support from anyone within my organization, I was left to figure things out with vague instruction, unrealistic asks which changed by the minute and continuously told, “We are flying the plane as we are building it.” These were indeed unprecedented times. Were it not for two of my work friends and a strong staff, I’m not sure I would have made it through. These two ladies and I meet frequently on Zoom, group chatted and talked every day. I called them on my morning walks and they’d lovingly joke, are you still walking as over an hour passed. Their friendship was the glue that held me together during those difficult days.

One of the pillars of my wellness journey, one that is often overlooked, is making and maintaining strong social connections. This was one of the main reasons why my husband and I decided to move when I retired. I knew I needed to live in a community in which there were multiple opportunities for social connection. It’s not easy to move away from a place you’ve called home for 40 years, but we knew it was the best decision for us. Living here, we have many opportunities to engage with a variety of people, in a variety of activities, which keeps us busy and healthy.

U.S. Surgeon General Advisory

In May 2023, the U.S.Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy issued an advisory on the public health crisis of loneliness, isolation and lack of connection in our country. Even before the COVID-19 pandemic, many U.S. adults reported experiencing measurable levels of loneliness. Dr. Murthy warned that chronic loneliness and limited social connections increase health risks for older adults, such as a 29% higher risk of heart disease, 32% higher risk of stroke, and 50% higher risk of dementia.

Social Science Reveals

Kasley Killiam, Harvard trained social scientist and author of The Art and Science of Connection, was recently a guest on the Genius Life podcast. She discussed her definition of what it means to be healthy and included social health, the part of well being that comes from feeling connected to others. As this was aligned with my belief, I ordered her book and must say I am glad I did. Killiam, discusses the missing link to achieving and maintaining our health, both physically and mentally. She reveals that most approaches to health are missing the vital component of human connection.

The Art and Science of Connection will transform the way you think about each interaction with a friend, family member, coworker, or neighbor, and give you the tools you need to live a more connected and healthy life—whether you are an introvert or extrovert, if you feel stretched thin, and no matter your age or background. Along the way, Killam will reveal how a university student, a newlywed, a working professional, and a retired widow overcame challenges to thrive through connection—and how you can, too.

Get and Stay Socially Connected

Staying socially connected to friends and family is critical to our long-term health. Here are a few ways I have tried to stay socially connected. Killam discussed some of these in her book as well, along with other ideas.

Plan for Connections

Like anything else, we need to work to maintain our connections to others. Here are a few ways I plan to make and maintain connections:

• Schedule calls – I try to plan my week and include making phone calls in the plan. I put it on my calendar in the phone to remember to reach out.
• Text check-in – I love to send quick texts to friends and loved ones. This lets them know I’m thinking of them and is quick and easy.
• Get togethers – These are harder sometimes, due to locations and schedules, but it is important to keep trying to plan for in-person get-togethers. If you give up, you can loose the connection.

Make New Connections

Moving to a new location can feel scary, as you have to establish new social connections. The same happens when you retire and leave your work relationships. The most common conversation I’ve had with people here has been about how hard it was to establish relationships when they first arrived. You do have to put yourself in situations where you will meet people. Staying in the house is not going to help you meet others, so the first step is putting yourself in places where you will meet people, hopefully with common interests. Here are a few of the ways I did this.

Gym – My husband and I both like to work out and go to the gym at about the same time each day. When on a set schedule, you tend to see the same people each day. This is a great opportunity to forge new social connections and you already know you have wellness in common.

Sports – I’ve always been part of a running community back home. I knew I needed a sports community here. I am no longer running, so I decided to take up pickleball when I arrived here. We both love it and play almost daily. I like to play at different courts, not just the one in my community. This provides me the opportunity to meet a variety of people. I have made some very nice friends on the pickleball courts and we share the love of the game, among other things.

Games – I love to play board games and there is a group here in my community that meets once a week to play. I met some super nice ladies in this group and learned from one of them how to play Mahjong. The Mahjong group in my community is large and I’ve met many ladies as a result. I’d recommend joining a club as a way to strengthen your social connections.

Volunteer – There are many opportunities to volunteer within the community. My 93-year-old dad helps out at his senior center, delivering Meals on Wheels to housebound seniors with the driver of his Cheer bus. If he can do it, we all can, and you’ll connect with others who have a shared purpose with you.

Social Media – There are many negative things about social media, but it can also be a good source when trying to stay connected to friends and family. There are also sites, such as Meetup, that have helped people foster connections based on common interests. I have used the site specifically for finding a Book Club in my new town. I also did a hike once with a hiking group. You can also use your search engine to locate local events which you can attend. Use it wisely and it can be a great tool to keep you connected to people, places and events.

These are just a few ideas that I hope will help you get started. When I arrived here, I needed to disconnect from social media and my phone. My position required me to be connected 24 hours a day. I needed to disconnect and get back into the world outside of my computer and phone. This lingering habit formed during COVID, when we were solely connected through technology, normalized living in isolation. But, in order to be present and engaged with others, we need to get off our devices and have conversations.

I’d like to end with advocating that you be very selective about who you surround yourself with. I see many people fall into the pattern of collecting friends like they do on social media. It truly is not about how many you have. Rather, it’s about how healthy the connections are. Surround yourself with others who enhance your health and make you feel good. Avoid those who bring drama and drain you, as that is not at all what we are seeking. We are seeking to enhance our health and wellness and this comes from the joy of social connection.

I hope you pick up the phone today and call an old friend to re-establish the connection. Or, perhaps send a text to a few friends to check-in. Anyway you start, just begin to grow your social connection and wellness. In a few months, it is my hope, that you see the fruits of your labors. If you’d like to chat, I am available via email at laurakump@reclaiminghealth.blog, on Instagram or Facebook, or in the comment section below. I look forward to hearing from you.