Life Change

My very first blog post spoke of my reasons for being on this journey. This journey is clearly much more than about just losing weight. Sure, that’s one of the benefits of it all, but it never has never been my sole intention. There is so much at stake and life is far too short to stay on the surface.  Many of you know that I am an Elementary School Principal. One of my passions, besides getting healthy, has always been reading and learning. I spend a lot of time reading and some of the books that I love are about personal growth. In order to win at life, you need to address your whole being, spending equal time developing yourself physically, spiritually and emotionally.

Many times when we embark on these health journeys, we put a heavy emphasis on the physical component of it. We exercise constantly and see some results. We continue to exercise, but often begin to lose our motivation. We blame lack of weight loss, sore muscles, lack of time or just plain boredom with the routines. The reality is, aside from making exercise a daily habit, until you change your mindset you are likely going to give up. When I first walked into a yoga studio many years ago, I was immediately in love with the fact that it addressed my emotions. There were workshops, readings and just about anything you needed to grow spiritually and emotionally. Coupled with the physicality of the yoga practice, it was truly a life changing experience for me. Yoga really helped me to realize why I had failed so many times before.  It helped me to drill down and reexamine the way I was approaching this path I am on.

One of the first books recommended to me by my yoga teacher is still one of my favorites. It has lessons that reach far beyond the walls of the studio.   Feeding my mind with activities like reading this book, listening to educational podcasts, or taking time to run in the early light of morning have helped me in so many ways.  This book in particular has been one that I think of often in my day to day life.

The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (A Toltec Wisdom Book)

Inside the pages of this book are four life lessons that we all can draw upon in our daily lives.  Now especially, with our world in constant turmoil, with tensions running so high, I find myself relying on it heavily.  The four agreements are –

  1. Speak with Integrity – Your word is everything!  Say only what you mean and avoid negative self talk and gossip.  Use your words to speak the truth and of love.
  2. Don’t Take Anything Personally -Remember always that nothing others say or do is because of you, it is really a projection of their own reality.  Be immune to the opinions and actions of others and you will avoid much suffering.
  3. Don’t Make Assumptions – Do your research before you make an assumption about someone or something.  When in doubt save your energy and don’t worry about it.  Ask and be direct rather than fretting and worrying about things. Be sure.
  4. Always Do Your Best – Under any and all circumstances do your best each and every day.  Yes, your best will vary depending on the situation, but do the best you can at all times and you will never be full of self regret.

You can surely see how these four agreements are about way more than yoga.  I use them in my daily life and often at work.  They really are about making a mindset shift and approaching life from a position of self love and positivity.

The second book I read, more recently, was one that I am still processing.  I liked it because the author brought in spirituality and I believe that is another important piece of the package.  Surprisingly, he is talking about Christian principles in the book and there were several quotes from the Bible.

40 Days to Personal Revolution

This book was used in a course I took with the same title at a yoga studio.  We worked on looking at how our past events shaped the person we are today.  We made peace with any unresolved issues and learned principles to help us become stronger emotionally.  Baron Baptiste—one of the world’s most beloved master yoga teachers—inspired us to transform more than body and mind: He gave us the tools we need to set ourselves free to live the healthful life we’ve always imagined.  Each week included:

-A yoga practice to do every morning
-Principles to cleanse your diet along with eating plan
-Instructions to begin and deepen a meditation practice
-Excavation questions to root out limiting beliefs and patterns

This one was a bit deeper than the Four Agreements, and as I said I’m still processing it all. It’s one you’ll want to read and reread as you grow and learn.  It will challenge the way you think about yourself for sure.  I have not been able to develop a meditation practice as of yet.  I just don’t have the ability to sit quietly.  Perhaps someday that will come.

I hope you’ll think about your own personal growth.  Don’t make exercise and diet all about weight loss.  Make it a journey of self discovery.  You will truly be amazed at what you are capable of when you address your entire being.  I’d love to hear about the books you’ve found life changing.  Please feel free to share in the comments.

 

Time in a Bottle

Every year my family spends a week together at the beach.  These last two years we rented a house in Ocean City.  Many times people tell me for what we spend to rent these houses we could have gone to a tropical island.  Yes, we could do that, but I wouldn’t trade these beach weeks for any tropical island.

As I ran early this morning, I reflected on this week.  Each year I feel the same.  Rested, relaxed and sad about leaving.  What is it about the beach that we all love so much?  I think it’s the lifestyle of no schedules and the predictableness of each day here.  Gone is the stress of rushing around trying to do everything yesterday.  Here, time just stands still with no frantic rushing to be somewhere.  For these reasons I rent a house at a beach we can drive too.  No stress over planes and packing, etc.

This all got me wondering why couldn’t our everyday life be more like beach life.  Why can’t we learn to relax more and not always feel the need to fill our days and calendars with endless stuff.  Why can’t life just be easy and more simplistic?

When I think of my life as it is now, the answer is it can be.  It’s about making the conscious choice to saying no to letting life get too hectic.  Saying yes to quiet evenings at home, rather than always seeking to “have fun”. Fun is more about the people you spend time with than the places you go, so stop filling your weekends with events.  Rather, fill them with people you love.  You can have fun at home with just family.  You don’t need to always be out having dinner and drinks.

This week when we get back, I’m going to consciously make note of what is causing stress in my life.  If I can remove these things I will. I’m also going to be sure I carve out time to do the things I want to do for me.  Like running, yoga, reading and writing.  The time is there and I should never feel stressed about doing things I enjoy.

Years ago when we were first married and raising our three children we didn’t have a lot of money.  Life seemed much simpler then.  Family dinners by candle light with restaraunt  like linens.  Camping sleep overs in the family room. Scrabble and puzzle building by the fire. I think I’d like to go back to those times.

As I watch the sunrise tomorrow morning on my last day here, I’ll think of these lovely words by Roxas Mendoza:

 Every time I stand before a beautiful beach, its waves seem to whisper to me: If you choose the simple things and find joy in nature’s simple treasures, life and living need not be so hard.   

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Power of Mindset

This week we focused on mental toughness in running.   Anyone who has run on a day like today, or pushed themselves to do more than they thought they ever could, has inevitably tapped in to their inner mental toughness.

We have all experienced times where we dig in and get something done despite not wanting to, or feeling capable of.  That goes for way more than just exercise and running. It could have been learning to do something and struggling through the many failed attempts.  For me, learning a second language proves insurmountable most days.   Or, it could be as simple as passing up on the second helping, or the dessert.  Whatever the challenge was, what pulled us through was our mental toughness.

In order to work on our mental toughness, we need to address our mindsets. Now this is funny to me because at school that’s all we work on.  Why had I never fully connected it to this journey then?  Yes, I did think of things like, I can’t run a marathon “yet”, but I never fully tapped in to the full power of mindset on my health and wellness.

In the past, I primarily lived with thoughts of all the things I couldn’t do well.  My mindset was a well developed negative one.  Negativity permeated every inch of my inner dialogue.  I couldn’t run as fast as my friends, I couldn’t run without experiencing  pain in my ankles and feet afterwards and I couldn’t lose weight as fast as others could.  When asked to slow down my heart rate during runs, I whined about how slow I had to run and called it slogging (slow jogging).  Listening to this week’s podcasts reminded me that my power to succeed resides in my mindset.  It is the single most important tool I have to face this challenge.  I have to dig in and do the hard work in order to be a better runner.  There’s just no way around it.  Avoiding it is what got me to the place I’m at right now, injured and recovering.  There are no shortcuts here.

I’ve begun shifting my thoughts and tapping in to focus on all the things I can do.  Today, in ridiculous humidity, I was able to maintain a steady pace at 139 bpm without having to slow down or speed up for 75 minutes.  Today, I was able to run one of my miles at a 14 minute pace and keep my heart rate at 139 in extremely hot conditions.  Today, my run was up in pace from the last few.  Today, I filled my head with all the things that were going well and I felt myself growing taller.  It really was that simple.

I’m kind of embarrassed that I, an educator who preaches about this stuff to anyone who will listen, failed to apply it to my greatest challenge, healthy living.  I guess it’s like the shoemaker who has no shoes, or the mechanic who drives a clunker.  We often forget to take care of ourselves along the way. I’m so thankful my coach reminded me of what I know to be true and shifted my thinking.

Going forward, I’m going to consciously stay focused on things I am doing well and celebrate my small victories along the way.  When I wake up each morning, I’m going to allow myself some white space to rest, relax and think about all the things that are going well in my life.  Then, I’ll get up and out to face my day.  It is my belief that one small positive thought will change my whole day.  My running coach has a saying, she says that when we get what we need in life, we are #winningatlife.  Today, I feel as if I am doing just that.

 

Winning at Life Part Two

You know how I feel about  photographs. I’ve been asked to post personal photographs from this journey as part of yesterday’s winning at life post by many.  My initial response was, no thanks.  But, in reflecting on it I have decided I will share here.  So, here is a recap of my past year with photographs.

I gained weight following surgery to repair a torn peroneal tendon. The recovery for me was brutal physically and emotionally. Without legs, I was left unable to do much of anything for a long time. When I finally hit the road running again, I failed to account for the extra weight I had gained, or the time off. I overtrained and suffered a femoral stress fracture near my right hip. Non weight bearing for weeks and mandatory 20 weeks off running was the prognosis.  I refused to go through this cycle again.

In January, at the time of my diagnosis, as a way to keep my emotions in check, I spent weeks doing upper workouts in a chair. While I did gain a few pounds, it was nothing like the last time. I started writing about my journey and sharing to keep myself accountable. I read a lot and felt like I learned so much from this experience. When I was cleared to run, I had fully researched and planned my return. I signed on for TLAM and am following their running plan (with some whining and lots of questions lol) and not letting my ego take over. I just finished week five of the Amazing Half plan and am excited for the future.

I don’t post these pictures to advocate weight loss, as healthy, injury free living is my goal. I post them to share my journey and remind myself that it’s truly a process. My first picture is from July 2015, just after I started to run post ankle surgery. The second is me in a 10K race in November 2015. The stress fracture occurred during a race on January 9, 2016. I had run a 15k the week prior and had pain following it. Of course, I failed to rest and continued running.  I had been running a race every weekend at that time, mostly 10k and 15k at HR of probably 170+. The last picture is from this week. Forgive the messy bedroom. I survived five weeks of running, four days a week with minimum ankle /foot issues. I truly am ‪truly #‎winningatlife.

Winning at Life

Today I finished week five of my half marathon training plan.  Five weeks of running four days a week plus strength training.  I’m at the point now where I’ve stopped whining about how slow I have to run to hit the <140 heart rate target.  It’s not because I’ve made miraculous speed gains, though there have been moments of glory.  It’s because I’ve realized that I’m five weeks in, running four days a week and averaging 20 miles per week or more.  And the biggest celebration is I’ve been pain free.

Prior to signing on with this plan I was averaging 2-3 days per week for about 6-8 miles a week because I was trying to stay injury free. Then I’d go to a race each weekend and guess what I ended up, right injured.  It’s hard to break those habits.  I truly miss meeting my friend for a long run on the boardwalk, but right now I’ve got to run my own race.  I need to do this for me and one thing I’ve learned from the injury and recovery (times two) is the ego can be your nemesis.

My friends run faster than me and when we do races I generally finish after both of them.  Yes, I celebrate finishing and enjoy their company immensely, but inside you often think about why you are always last.  Your ego starts talking negative, I train just as hard, I eat right, I’m never gonna be fast, I’m old, I’m fat, and on and on.  No matter how positive you are it creeps in and affects your attitude toward continuing to push.

When I started running after my stress fracture, I made the decision to do it right this time and do it for me.  That doesn’t mean the ego doesn’t sneak in and chat at me on those slow long runs.  It does, but I’m learning ways to talk back.  There are other ways to think about progress beyond scales, running pace and even finishes.  Data tracking has become my new favorite talk back.  Tracking of heart rate, effort, stress on body, recovery time, etc.   There  are so many new ways for me to celebrate my progress and I’ve only just started to learn.  For today’s long run, Strava compared my run to others I’ve done on same route.  Today I got, “Trending faster” and that made me smile. It no longer mattered what my pace was as I was trending faster and therefore winning.

I’ve also learned to enjoy the runs more as I’m not killing myself.  I look forward to going out and really don’t deviate from my coaches plan.  Yesterday I needed to be at my dad’s at 5:30 AM to take him for a medical test.  I live an hour away and was actually stressing to figure out how to keep my 60 minute run on the calendar.  So at 6:00 AM when he went in for the test, I laced up and went on out and got it done.  In the past I probably would’ve been happy to have a reason not to do the run, but now I felt compelled to get it done because I love it.

I can even listen to podcasts when I run now because I don’t need constant rock blaring to motivate me.  Yes, I still listen to music, but some days I get to enjoy podcasts where I grow my mind and learn more about healthy habits.  I can concentrate enough to hear the podcast now that I’m now gasping for survival out there.  Today I enjoyed a podcast in which I learned how to better run downhill sprints and how important mindset is in running.  #ThanksCoachMK for the reminder.

These principles of course apply to more than running.  How many times have you dieted and not lost, yet your friend hardly tried and lost five pounds?  Or, you’re working out steady and your significant other shows up at the gym after five year absence and does better.  There’s competition in every life event if you really look for it.  It’s nice to feel good and encourage others, but unrealistic to expect that you will never feel bad about yourself as a result of others’ success.  Approaching life from the perspective of running your own race could give you a real strategy to push back on those feelings.   It gives you concrete opportunities to celebrate yourself when you may not tangibly feel successful.

Here are some simple suggestions for data mining in your life.   Keep track of how many times your family eats dinner together at a table as a family per week.  Keep track of how many times you prepare dinner vs buying prepared food per week for a month.  Keep track of how often your plate is balanced protein/carbs/healthy fat, rather than counting calories.  Keep data points for your exercise.  Heart rate is one, recovery time another, repetitions, amount of weight used.  As you can see, the possibilities are endless.  Now, open your mind to the idea that ANY improvement is progress, no matter how small.  It truly is!  Forward is forward.  Celebrate each one and let it fuel you to keep going.  This will truly be healthier for you and trust me it helps you tell your ego to sit down and shut up because  #I’mwinningatlife.

 

 

Slow Down to Go Fast

Today I finished week four of a twenty week half marathon training program.  I signed up to work with a running coach to finally figure out a way to run a half marathon without getting injured.  Finally, I came to terms with the fact that I had to learn to run with the body I currently have.  My body has its own unique mechanics and issues.  Just because I push harder doesn’t mean I can force it to do something it’s not ready, or able to do. In fact, the harder I kept pushing the more I got injured.  After major ankle tendon surgery and a femoral stress fracture, my body got my attention.  I think I finally got the message.

I’ve always been a very driven, never say never, stubborn woman.  The more you tell me I can’t, the more I will dig in and do something.  Anything I put my mind to I was generally able to accomplish.  I am willing to struggle and put the work in, but I am not willing to not have success.  I’m a reader and researcher and always seek to figure out how to do things.  I refuse to lose as they say and will keep pushing through when the going gets tough.  They call it perseverance these days, I call it stubborn.   Part of what I’ve learned these past four weeks is that every body is different and responds differently to the demands we place upon it.  Just because one body can show up and run a marathon with minimal training, doesn’t mean my body can.  But, that doesn’t mean I can’t meet this goal, rather it means I have to regroup, slow down and build a better foundation.

Enter my friend Christine O’Brien, a fellow runner.  She had been speaking highly about this training program she was participating in.  Her enthusiasm got my attention and I decided to join her in working with Coach Mary Katherine Brooks Fleming and Dimity McDowell Davis.  Their running club, also known as Train Like a Mother Club, is a lifeline to runners, like me, looking to stay healthy, in the race and on the road.  I joined the Heart Rate Challenge Half Marathon group on a twenty week journey to run the Runner’s World Half Marathon at their yearly running festival.  I agreed to follow the rules of their plan, not easy for me as I’m a real rule stretcher – shocking I know.  I also agreed to leave my ego at the door and accept where I am at this moment and learn what my body can do if I build a strong foundation and base.

The first conversation I had with Coach MK she put me right in my place.  She is a tell it like it is kind of lady and doesn’t want to listen to any of my sh-t.  She basically told me I had no idea “how to train” and that I needed to trust the plan and stick to it.   I immediately realized I was overtraining which likely caused my injuries.  Strapping on a heart rate monitor is a truly humbling experience.  Being told to keep your heart rate at under 140 bpm was like a bitch slap to the ego.  The first day I wore the strap, prior to starting the plan, I ran my regular pace.  Shockingly my heart rate stayed up around 175 – 180 bpm for the 40 minute run.  I didn’t feel like I was exerting myself and my pace wasn’t any faster than I normally run.  Yikes, 165 had been the maximum heart rate I had been given in the past and I was running well above that.  The first day of the official training plan I had to walk because every time I tried to run I was over 140.  Heck, I don’t think I made it to my corner before I was above it!  The second run I figured out a way to shuffle along that would keep me under 140 but it was a real struggle.  I called MK and whined and she put me right back in my place.

Four weeks later, I’ve had a lot of slow, easy runs and lots of time to process this plan.  Pushing myself to go faster when my body was not ready is where my injuries came from.  Your body is amazing and will overcompensate and try to do what you are asking, causing imbalance and stress.  For example, if your muscles are not properly developed to support the runs you are doing, your bones will absorb the impact.  In my case a stress fracture resulted from this.  Running faster than I was ready for caused me to sacrifice and not develop proper form causing a torn tendon in my ankle.

This slowing down process has given me lots of time to think on my runs.  I was no longer putting all my energy into just surviving the workout and waiting for it to end.  I was actually enjoying the moments and had the mental capacity to think about things.  As I ran, I began thinking about this health journey I am on and how most of us just rush and race through it without building the proper foundation.  It’s the same cycle really, rushing through the process without building the proper “health muscles” often causes us to rely on the wrong ones, like fads and quick fixes.  These will lead us to quick success that just as quickly falls apart causing failure, or worse sickness.  The process TLAM Club is teaching includes everything from strength training, rest/recovery, nutrition and accountability.  There are no shortcuts, just good old fashioned hard work.  The same principles should and must be applied to our health journey.  Faster is definitely not better as it is often a foundation built on cards that will collapse and cause stress on our bodies.  Working hard and taking it slow allows us to tap into the amazing engine that is our body which with the proper foundation is capable of doing amazing things.

In conclusion, fast is definitely not better.  Slow and steady wins the race is once again an important moral to learn.  Something, this impatient girl needed to be reminded of.

 

 

 

Patience is a Virtue, Right?

This week I had four graduations at my school and an end term party.  Four speeches to be made, four outfits to plan and four days of food temptations to get through.  I think I fared pretty well.  I avoided the cake this year at all four ceremonies, though I did taste the frosting.  Girl must taste the frosting in life.  I went to two lunch celebrations with my staff following the ceremonies.  I fared pretty well there too, though I absolutely ate a piece of bread and butter both days.  Girls must eat bread and butter when in a restaraunt.  The end term party food wasn’t great so I fared well there too, though I absolutely indulged in some vodka on the rocks. Girl must live, laugh and sip vodka at parties.  I didn’t totally through caution to the wind this week, rather I tried to keep it real and keep control of myself.  It wasn’t hard to do and allowing myself those little indulgences went miles towards getting through not feeling deprived.  Last year I would have indulged a lot more.  I would have had cake and lunch and wine each of the four days.

The only bad thing about this week was all the pictures I had to pose for.  Thankfully I won’t see many of them and thankfully the children next to me are the real star of them.  I know I’m stuck on pictures lately, but putting it down here gets it out of my head.  Plus, so many of you have shared you’re struggling with them too.  It’s just that the darn pictures make me feel like I’m still at the starting point, the “before” phase of this journey.  They are a constant reminder that I’ve miles to go yet. But I’ve been smiling proudly and clicking away.  I’m documenting my journey and life and refuse to be absent again.

At yesterday’s graduation I saw the parent of one of my students.  Last I saw her, earlier this year she was super thin and had lost almost 60 pounds.  Yesterday, she was right back up to her starting weight. It saddened me to see that, but also reminded me that I am not back at the start.  It reminded me why I am taking the slow and steady route to health. It didn’t take me a week to gain the weight and create havoc on my health and it won’t take me a month to get healthy.  This is a journey and I’m in it for the long haul.

During my speech yesterday, I spoke about the measure of moments in a year.  If I had to capture the moments of my year I’d say:

*I began running again and kept at it despite a serious stress fracture.

*I only gained about ten pounds during recovery from said stress fracture.  I worked out in a chair during the crutches period to keep in the game.

*I rekindled and formed friendships through running and that are priceless.  My childhood friend and maid of honor at my wedding and I were always in touch and always said we’d get together, but life always had other plans.  Now we have races together and with meetings and weekends away built in. Big win-win!

*I overhauled the way I eat.  It’s far from perfect but it’s an improvement.  A great benefit beside my health, my daughter is willing to eat things she would never have tried before.

*I got off three medications and unnecessary supplements.

So, while I’m not moving those blue marbles to the lost jar permanently, the process is working.  If I’m still in it I’m winning.  Patience is a virtue, right?

 

Mind Over Body

Today my childhood friend and I are returning to our home town to run a 10k race together.  We’ve done races together before, but this one back on our home turf should be memorable.  I’m always excited to be with her and catch up on those carefree days.  There will be running, laughing and of course a beer.  I’m sure there will also be the dreaded pictures.  I will try to find one of us as kids and share with one from today.  I will keep sharing my pictures to document my life, as well to keep myself on track on this journey.

Last night I had a work function for our students.  I got dressed in a comfortable outfit that upon inspection in the mirror looked cute.  Actually it was even a little loose on top making me feel good about the work I’m doing.  The event included some pictures with my staff.  When I saw one, I saw myself as heavy and got discouraged.  What was this.  Does my mirror lie? Or, am I wearing rose colored glasses.  Was it just the picture?  Here’s where the mind starts taking over and beating me up.  One of the other ladies in the group and I were laughing.  She was saying the same things, but said she was planning to hang it up as her before photo.  Haha, I said, the problem here is this is my after.  It’s so easy in those moments to get discouraged and I did.  I’m working so very hard.  Running 4-5 days a week on my training program.  Working out other days as well.  Watching my intake of foods for the most part.  How can it be that I still appeared so heavy in that darn picture?

In the past, here is actually where I would get off track and spiral down.  The mind would start saying, why bother.  It’s not worth all this work if nothing changes.  But then I remember, it’s just one darn picture.  I am willing to stay the course, do the work and I will get there.  You see, it’s not enough to simply want this to work, you’ve got to do the work.  And there will be crappy days and crappy pictures.  But for every crappy day and crappy picture, there will also be good ones.  Today will be my good day and I am going to do the work.  I am going to continue to do the work until I am satisfied and then I’m going to continue to do the work because I want to stay satisfied.

Everyone takes photographs that they hate.  In fact, most people look at pictures and hate the way they look.  Even famous stars have bad photographs.  We even see them in magazines and on the Internet.  Does that make them less beautiful?  We’ve got to stop being so very hard on ourselves, me included.

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Unintended Consequences

There are large chunks of my life that are missing.  Looking through photographs of my kids growing up, you’ll see me as a young mother proudly smiling holding my kids.  You’ll see my happy little family all together.  Then around the time I returned to the work force full time (1997), there’s one last photograph of us all. I actually have this photograph in a frame in my office.  My kids and husband gave it to me when I returned to work so I wouldn’t “forget them”.  Who knew at that time it wasn’t them I’d forget, but rather myself.

There are not many pictures to be found that include me after that time.  There are lots of my kids, but I am largely absent.  I’m not sure when it started, or why, but my hate of photographs likely started with a perceived bad picture. You know the kind I’m talking about.  The photograph where you look fat, or old, or ugly.  When did I become my mother, grandmother, etc?  At that point I became the taker of all pictures and avoided being in them like the plague.

Isnt it funny, when you look at those old pictures that you hated so much you see them differently now.  Those fat photographs are not so fat after all.  You even find yourself wishing you looked that good now.  While I’m still not a fan of photographs, I’ve come to accept that every single person takes a bad photo, not just me. My daughter and friend validated that realization recently.  One said, the trick to a good selfie is to take like a hundred and pick the best one.  The other said, block tagging on your Facebook page so you can select the photos you wish to share publicly.

Seriously, I am very hard on myself. I look at myself in the mirror and call myself Grandma Schutz.  It’s hard to imagine being in my fifties some days.  Many of us ladies do the same things I do.  We constantly put ourselves down. We try all these diets and fads to recapture our youth.  We do it all for the wrong reasons, mostly to be what we think we need to be for others.

Recently, my daughter bitch slapped me when I vented about lack of progress with my training.  She said, every time you put yourself down you put me down because I look like you.  When I get older I will be you and I will have this stuff in my head.  I don’t need your body issues I’ve got enough of my own.  Ugh!!  Who even though about the impact my ongoing struggles had on her.  I was so busy worrying about myself I didn’t think outside of that.  It really made me take a moment to think about it.  Fast forward a few days, and on Facebook I saw a letter a woman had written to her mother about this very topic.  Yikes.  Talk about unintended consequences of sharing my feelings.

Here I thought I was an awesome role model for my daughter.  I eat healthy and am fighting the good fight to reclaim my health.  I work out daily and live an active life.  I thought I nailed it and my daughter has even begun to practice yoga and take hikes.  She’s in her early twenties and has even started tasting new foods she never would have before.  Heck, that took me until my late forties to do!  But, what I never realized or thought about was the impact of the negative side of this fight on others.  Who knew that by constantly voicing my self deprecation I was leaving an imprint on my daughter, framing her future.

I signed up for a half marathon training plan this week with a coach.  She made me slow down my pace a ridiculous amount to do some heart rate training.  The goal is to build a stronger base. To basically slow down to speed up.   I’ve always been a pusher.  I pushed myself to run, albeit I’m not fast, faster than was comfortable because I wanted to reach a goal I had set.  It didn’t matter that I kept getting hurt, or didn’t feel great doing it.  I fought the coach a bit but listened this week.  I came to realize that it felt great to run that slower pace and after I wasn’t exhausted or sore.  I wondered if life couldn’t feel like that if I stopped chasing some perceived expectations of myself.  Perhaps if I just embraced where I am now, slowed down a bit and just enjoyed the ride I would be a far better role model.

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Lighten Up

I was able to run in my first race last Monday following my long injury induced time off.  It was a hot day for sure and I felt every mile of the four I ran.  I didn’t care though, I was just so happy to be running again.  When I crossed the finish line, I joined my team and promptly said let’s go get a cold beer.  It was ten o’clock in the morning!   My husband looked kind of surprised and said you just ran a race, you don’t need a beer.  Have some water or Gatorade.   This got me thinking of all the double standard, silly things we do and say on our journey to health.  I thought I’d lighten it up this week and attempt to make you chuckle a bit. I bet you’ll even recognize yourself in some of my madness. Maybe you can even add to this short list.

First, look at my cover photo this week.  It reminds me of something I saw on Facebook. It goes something like, what I think I look like running vs. what I really look like.  Ha, how many race photos do we look at and say darn that’s not what I thought I looked like running the course.  This leads us to pose and smile now whenever we see those darn photographers out on the race course.

Then, there’s my dedication to only eating certified organic, non gmo foods. I get so upset at my husband when he shops because he never buys the right food.  One day recently, he came home from a trip to a store with chicken that was on sale.  Beautiful boneless breast packaged so lovely, but much to my horror, not grass fed, hormone free chicken.  I looked at him and stated firmly my intention to never eat that chicken.  I reminded him I only eat grass fed, hormone free chicken and nothing else will do.  He looked at me and asked, were those potato chips you ate at the party last night organic, hormone free chips?  Oh please!  Ruffles are an exception to the rule aren’t they?

What about coffee?   I limit myself to one cup a day and am quite proud of that.  But, do I really need to put in like a quarter cup of French Vanilla creamer?  You bet I do!   Nothing else will do and believe me I’ve tried it all.

Some days I eat so clean it’s impressive.  Nothing processed will ever touch my lips.  I will cook it all from scratch including pizza dough and pasta, gluten free.  But lord that glass of wine, or two must accompany it, right?  Especially if it’s my Friday allowance for the week. Is that a problem?  And, who doesn’t follow up their healthy salad for lunch with a beautiful piece of chocolate?   It’s really ok, isn’ it, especially since I drink green organic tea with it.

In fact, most runners I race with look so forward to the post race treats, beer and maybe a nice breakfast.  It’s a must.  The best race post celebrations aren’t those that include a medal, it’s those that include an ice cold hoppy beer on tap.

Double standards you say?  Maybe.  But at this point of my journey I’ve learned that it’s all about balance and enjoying life.  If that includes a ruffle chip here and there so what (and I mean here and there, not every day or week).  Coffee, wine or pizza will never be removed totally from my life.  I just make sure they are not the staples of my diet as they were in the past.  They are now my guilty pleasure treats that I indulge in once in a while, well daily in coffee’s case.  The point here today is to remind you all to take your life so seriously that you forget to live it.  That will surely be a recipe for failure.  As they say, live, laugh and love.  Then drink some extra water and start again.

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